I’m fairly versed in “music”. I can tell a nice diddy when I hear it and actively listen to music when I do stuff like driving, chores, or other things. Not to toot my own brass horn or anything but I have a pretty sophisticated listening palette as I primarily listen only to the best of the Top 40 tracks of the week, so you can say I’m a connoisseur. I’ve even listened to this metal genre that so many people say is “pretty all right” and recently an invitation was sent my way to attend a show for Sabaton with opener Epica. Let me regale you with my experience.
We park and enter the Bayou Music Center in Houston for our evening entertainment. Don’t let the name of the venue fool you, it only smelled like a toilet instead of a full bayou aroma so that was nice. After entering I flashed my Sounds of the Void press pass that I printed earlier, asking where backstage was so that I can interview the band and get my free guitar that all press get. No one was able to help me. Once I got to a counter for drinks I further imposed my clout by purchasing a light beer for $30. This surely showed them that I am an important person that can leave a small donation for the business. Still, no one helped me. I made my way to the main hall and entered into the Epica opener already in progress.
The Epica performance was great with all the songs that I had never heard before so they must have been a set from an unreleased album. The crowd singing along next to me must have all illegally downloaded said album which is the only way I can think that they would have this forbidden lyrical knowledge. Metallica was right in that Napster would kill music and concerts. I feel for Epica as they must have played through the tears of not having the opportunity to surprise any of these undeserving wretches. What was also great is I told my editor and he stated that he enjoyed Epica while he was in high school. So what a treat that I got to hear classical music at this metal concert! Everyone was alive on stage including the keyboardist and he even busted out a portable keyboard…thing so he could roam around as well. It wasn’t a keytar though so points off.
After our opener bowed and left the stage we were treated to a wondrous sound check complete with a PA yelling “poopy balls” and “Shit dog testicles” into a mic. Magnificent.
Our headliner started their show with a newsreel that recounted the horrifics and triumphs of WWI. Being able to learn so much on the spot was nice, like how Sabaton is a corporate band sponsored by the History Channel apparently. This quickly took a backseat to the band immediately going into their first song which hit like Truck-kun and isekai’d me into the world that Sabaton has crafted. I could tell this was a Texas venue as every other lick of the guitar had goers throwing up the Longhorns. Truly a sight to behold. Also a video of a tank firing a shell when the drummer hit his kick drum thingy and that was pretty cool.
Of their set, I managed to jot down some notes of every instance that had me cross.
- Not once but thrice the band riled up the crowd by promising to play Dancing Queen by ABBA. This never happened. Disappointing.
- On one of their songs they asked the crowd if they wanted to hear it in English or their native Swedish. As one could clearly hear a deafening cry of about 20 people wanting to hear it in English, they proceeded to play the IKEA sound arrangement. Double disappointing.
- There was a song about Samurai and their battles fighting with swords and the bushido code. With what I know about the band’s M.O. and the previous songs, I believe that they think the Japanese fought in WWII with swords wearing leather plate armor. Someone in the band needs to open a history book.
Now, avid reader, I know what is on your mind. “Nick, If you went to a metal show, did you do the thing?” you may want to ask me if I allowed any of you near me. I will answer this question with a “Yes”. I participated in a mosh pit. There was an ordered “wall of death” at the climax of the Epica set first and I don’t know if that metal band has ever seen a dead body before but there were a lot of heavy-breathing people ready to charge so that name is a bit of a misnomer. Being in the second line of one side I was thrust into the others and the chaos that ensued was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. I know I must have left my mark as once it dissipated I cried for only 10 minutes afterward (the others must have been bawling for twice that. Weaklings).
Score: 8 IKEA missing dowels/10
Would go again.
