So…..everyone I talked to was right. Jaime is still alive. It’s not surprising–after all, he’s still got an important part to play, I think. Bronn gives him a stern talking to (he’s the one that saved Jamie) about being a fucking idiot with regards to trying to kill Daneryes when DROGON THE FIRE BREATHING DRAGON was right there.

Jamie’s heart is in the right place. But his brain isn’t really functioning much. And now he’s got to back to Cersei and let her know what they’re up against…

…which is Dany doling out her justice. She tells the remaining Lannister army to bend the knee–or die, which certainly makes Tyrion very uncomfortable. He seems very uncomfortable with death on the battlefield in general–he knows this has to happen but he still doesn’t like it. He tries to talk Dany out of killing Samwell Tarly’s brother, Dickon and father, Randyll Tarly, who refuse to bend the knee, but Dany won’t have it. “They’ve made their choice. Dracarys.”

They are roasted on the spot by Drogon, who is apparently totes okay with being stabbed by a large arrow. Tyrion and Varys worry that Dany may be becoming just like her father, the mad King. This instance definitely doesn’t bode well for that particular path. Varys tells Tyrion that she will never be like him…with the proper counsel.

Dany returns to Dragonstone where she…I guess means to impress Jon? By landing right in front of him with Drogon I guess she was trying to intimidate him, which doesn’t go very well because Jon, shaking slightly, takes a glove off and strokes Drogon’s nose. She’s visibly shocked that Drogon likes him, apparently. (Not shocking for us considering we all know he’s a Targaryen…DUN DUN DUN. A few moments later, Ser Jorah Mormont interrupts their discussion, healed by Sam. Dany is visibly overjoyed. Jorah is wondering who the fuck his new competition is for Dany’s heart.

Jamie makes it back to Cersei and lets her know the dour report of the battlefield, letting her know that they’re pretty much fucked, pleading her to just give up and let Tyrion intercede on their behalf. This does not go over very well…considering that she things Tyrion murdered her son. Jamie lets her know that that was actually Olenna’s doing, which goes over very nicely when she realizes that she should have flogged her.

Tyrion comes in with the Onion Knight back to King’s Landing to talk to Jamie regarding the Army of the Dead. The plan is to bring a wight back from beyond the wall (Jon is handling this bit) after Jon receives a message from Bran that the dead are coming for the wall. The idea is to convince Cersei (and Dany, for that matter) that the dead army is a real thing—and that they should bind their armies together to face the common threat.

Jamie goes back to Cersei and lets her know that Tyrion was there–which, of course, she already knew. She suggested that they play along for now…and see where it takes them. Oh, and she dropped the bomb that Jamie is going to be a Dad again. She certainly knows how to keep Jamie in check…

Gendry is back! He’s no longer rowing, and Ser Davos has come to collect him, large warhammer in Tow. Davos, Tyrion and Gendry row back to Dragonstone remarkbly quick, where Gendry meets Jon and presents himself formally as Robert Baratheon’s bastard. Basically, he wants to be in the fight and is pretty down to fight zombies. He goes with Jon, Ser Jorah and some soldiers to Eastwatch by the Sea, where the dead are headed. I also just want to point out that Dany is pretty upset that Jon is leaving—she’s totally in love with him at this point, and I’m pretty sure Jon is too, he’s just being brooding about it.

Are they going to find out they’re related before or after they sleep with each other?

We get a quick set of scenes with Sam, who doesn’t know his father and brother have been murdered yet, getting frustrated with the Maesters. Gilly also drops a pretty large bomb while reading to Sam at night while he is working, although it’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment–Rhaegar Targareyn had his marriage to Elia Martell annulled…and he more than likely married Lyanna Stark instead.

This means that Jon Snow isn’t a bastard. He’s the true heir to the Iron Throne.

Sam kind of interrupts Gilly before we get the full details with his frustration with the Maesters. He ends up leaving Oldtowne, a whole bunch of stolen books and scrolls in his possession. I presume he’s headed back to Winterfell.

The end of the episode has Jon meeting up with Tormund…and the Hound with Beric Dondarrion. There’s a breif spat of people being pissy at each other….Tormund ends up being pissed at Ser Jorah (his father was the previous Nights Watch commander and killed a lot of his people), Gendry is pissed at the Brotherhood because they captured him earlier, and the Hound is just a bitter fuck who hates everyone.

This lovely bunch of people decide to go out past the wall and go catch a White Walker. And that’s where our episode ends….

Next week’s episode looks intense. We’ll have to see what happens in the Penultimate episode of Season 7. Shit is about to go down.

Final Bits

  • There’s a whole subplot where Arya is trying to figure out what the hell Littlefinger is up to. However, Littlefinger, as always, is one step ahead of her…and seems to be wedging himself in between Sansa and Arya
  • The scene where Arya calls out Sansa is great, and it’s pretty damn true that what she wants is the power.
  • The sequence where Bran is warging into the Ravens to see the Army of the Dead was pretty badass.
  • Littlefinger is still fucking creepy and I hate how creepy he is
  • Gendry needs to go back to Winterfell and fall in love with Arya so they can go on a murdering spree together
  • Poor Jorah. People need to stop shipping him and Dany…it’s never going to happen. (If it does, Game of Thrones has failed me.)